By Craig Kwasniewski
It's time for the real deal... the playoffs are here! Time for some quick predictions on the first round action (just to I can blockquote myself 20 days from now in the "I Told You So" post):
(8) Orlando Magic vs. (1) Detroit Pistons: My name is a Darko! I like-a da sex.... eeezzz niiice! I will punch da see vebb in dee vasheen! (Sorry, but I just bought the Borat dvd last week.)
Anyway, you won't see Darko's revenge this time (or ever). Instead the Magic look like a scout team for the Miami Heat with Grant Hill and Dwight Howard. Why not prepare for defending "The Big Fake Injury" by facing the 1993 version of Shaquille O'Neal? Anyway, ever since the C-Webb fell into the Piston's lap, they've been the best team in the east. His excellent passing and above average low post skills (though he has by far the ugliest/weakest hook shot that is surprisingly effective) blends well with the rest of the team. The Pistons sweep.
(7) Washington Wizards vs. (2) Cleveland Cavaliers: Warm up the LeBron James bandwagon. It's a damn shame that the storyline for the 2006-07 season injured himself right before the playoffs. Given the type of season Agent Zero had, he deserved a chance to shine this post season. Instead we get to see LBJ pad his stats and run all over a team that plays zero defense. Expect at least one triple double, followed by days of, "is LeBron better than Jordan at his age" talk. (Yawn) Cleveland easily sweeps.
(6) New Jersey Nets vs. (3) Toronto Raptors: Congratulations to the Toronto Raptors, their fans, their front office and the entire country of Canada, America's Funny Hat. Normally I crack on teams for celebrating division titles in the NBA, but Toronto's amazing turnaround from worst to division first is very banner-worthy. (I even bought a '07 NBA Division Champion Tee.)
Now the reality... I fully expect 2001 Playoff Vince Carter to return (the games 1 thru 6 against Philly one, not the one that attended his college graduation the morning of the biggest game of his life one... talk about red flag). I expect all of Canada to rightfully boo Vinsanity on every possession. Unfortunately, VC's the type of asshole who'll play the victim card in this series and play with the type of motivation we haven't seen in years. So expect a bunch of posing and that motorcycle thing he did last year after every bucket. Unfortunately, New Jersey wins 4-2.
(5) Chicago Bulls vs. (4) Miami Heat: That loss to New Jersey was tragic for Chicago. Instead of a number two seed and a free pass to the ECF, the Bulls get to face the Miami Heat in the first round. Chicago's a decent team, yet there's one glaring fact... they have no inside game. This was okay in the regular season, but in the halfcourt possession game of the playoffs, where do they find the goto points? It's too bad that Pete Newell doesn't run the big man's camp like he used to in the 80's. I'd send Luol Deng there with the instructions to develop some post moves. Don't let their 44-38 record fool you, Miami's still the team to beat in the Eastern Conference. I see this being a very fun and contentious series (both teams really went at it this year and there's bad blood between the teams). Miami wins 4-2.
Such a good writing, or by I saw for the first time. I'm quite happy, you are a good writer
Posted by: Onitsuka Tiger | August 19, 2011 at 11:47 PM
Ha ha Amy well maybe he will. You know how that ol' conahicg carousel works. I'm pretty sure he would be interested in another job but yes, there are times when I question what he says, and this is definitely one of those moments
Posted by: Sehati | February 16, 2012 at 10:12 PM