By Craig Kwasniewski
So the big news for the dunk contest is that MJ, Nique, Mamba and Vince Carter (not worthy of a nickname anymore) are the judges.
BIG...FUCKING...DEAL!!!
Unless they're breaking out some two-on-two for $50K afterwards, this doesn't make the dunk contest any more watchable. (Just imagine: Nique and Carter vs. Kobe and MJ, even though Nique looks like Shaq these days, I'd definitely put that in my "save until I delete" on my Tivo.)
Anyway, if my sources are correct, the dunk contest is in Vegas. So why not break out some Vegas celebs as judges. Here's my list:
Telethon Jerry Lewis: Not just Jerry Lewis, but the 24-hours-straight-with-no-sleep, sweaty, unfunny, greasy and irritable-while-receiving-a-$2-million-check-from-the-CEO-of-GE MDA Telethon Jerry Lewis. How great would it be to see Jerry Lewis hold up a "10" and do that crossed-eye thing? Nothing says funny more than that crossed-eye thing! NOTHING!
Siegfried & Roy: Come on! These guys were Las Vegas ten years ago. Plus TNT should live-mic these guys just to hear Roy say things like, "darrrr ssshrrrlgph!!" followed by Siegfried translating, "he saying that dees guys are vaughn-der-full!"
Celine Dion: Just because not one single NBA fan likes her and nothing beats seeing a diva get booed by 15,000 fans.
Nicky Santoro: Joe Pesci needs to come in character as Nicky Santoro from Casino and break out "You call yourself a man? You know you're a lyin', low-life, motherfuckin' gambling degenerate prick?" when Craig Sager interviews him.
Danny Gans: How could you NOT get Las Vegas Entertainer of the Year! Danny Gans? I mean he's the freakin' LAS VEGAS ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR!!!! He could break out into... ummm... ummm... just what the hell does he do? Whatever. As LAS VEGAS ENTERTAINER OF THE YEAR!!! I'm sure he'll think of something to do when Sager interviews him.
Lance Burton: Nothing tops off a judging panel like an effeminate magician. He could make a "4" appear out from under his cape after Tyrus Thomas lays in a finger roll for his attempt.
The NBA really needs to embrace the whole Vegas experience (but don't go too with some Cirque du Soleil show with greased up members of the The NETSational Seniors), let Las Vegas judge the contest. Plus, there's really no need to interrupt MJ from a 36-hour blackjack session.
You forgot about Wayne Newton. How could you forget Wayne Newton?
Posted by: VegasTaxiDriver.com | February 09, 2007 at 12:53 PM
http://www.lindenmanphoto.com/celebrites/images/Jerry%20Lewis.jpg
cool guy
Posted by: aeneas | February 10, 2007 at 01:06 AM
People are going to say the Lakers, but im going to say the Spurs.They have a great squad, but theyre just not as good as evenyore says Was this answer helpful?
Posted by: Nafets | June 03, 2012 at 11:14 AM