Monday Morning Point Guard

By Craig Kwasniewski

Finally the season is under way, and not soon enough as my fantasy football team is getting killed and my Chicago Bears got mauled by Miami of all teams. So without further ado, time for some MMPG:

1. Shaq Injured: The winner of the "Shaq's first fake injury pool" was... bruised left knee. So time to cash in, I believe the odds were 3:1. Other "fake injury odds" were:

Tendonitis - even
Ankle Sprain - 2:1
Phlebitis - 10:1
The Clap - 250:1
Vaginal Irritation (or Josh Howard Syndrome) - 1000:1

Seriously, we all know that Shaq will miss about 30-35 games this year, I'm just shocked he started so soon. But then again didn't he get his "ankle sprain" last year in the second game? So I guess he's right on schedule. My question is, how does his teammates, who are going to battle for the entire 82-game season, respect the guy?

2. What's wrong here: Interesting little factoid given during the "balanced" Miami Heat broadcast. The longest active tenure with one team (top five):

Kevin Garnett, Minnesota: 12-years
Allen Iverson, Philadelphia: 11-years
Kobe Bryant, Los Angeles: 11-years
Tim Duncan, San Antonio: 10-years
Adonal Foyle, Golden State: 10-years

Three of the five have won MVP's and Kobe's the other one, so how the hell is Adonal Foyle in this group? Obviously it's because of his gaudy career numbers of 4.6 ppg. and 5.2 rpg. The funny thing is that Foyle's contract is guaranteed through 2008/09. And you wonder why Golden State hasn't made the playoffs since 1993-94.

3. Sign that Amare Stoudemire is not 100%: As Brett wrote in the in the courtside report, "Amare Stoudamire is not even close to the monster he was before..."

Here's a good example: During the first half, Amare got the ball at the freethrow line with only Chris Kaman between himself and the hoop. Instead of blowing by the Clipper center for a ridiculous dunk, Amare looked at Kaman and passed the ball out. Let me say that again... he passed off a one-on-one with Chris Kaman. This is a guy who once jumped over Elton Brand for a dunk in 2005 and now he's passing on Chris Kaman. Not a good sign.

4. Reason 2,345 why I hate Miami: Antoine Walker is the worst front runner in the NBA. So while the Heat are getting blown out by the 76ers on Sunday, Antoine Walker gets hot in garbage time. Hitting three consecutive uncontested W-I-D-E O-P-E-N three's to cut the 76ers lead to 10 with 2 plus minutes left, Antoine Walker turns, looks right at A.I. and twice yells, "You can't stop me!"

So out of the timeout Philly puts defensive maven, Kyle Korver (???) on him for the next possession. How does Walker respond? Firing a brick from three that glances off the front of the rim with Korver in his grill. Miami eventually loses 107-98.

5. Why is Doc Rivers still coaching? There are very few guarantees in life: death, taxes, getting some on anniversary night... You should always win the home opener dedicated to the life and death of your franchise icon!

On a very emotional night where the Celtics honored the memories of Red Auerbach, the C's lost to NOOCH 91-87. Simply embarrassing and Rivers should have been given his walking papers as he left the floor. Now they sit 0-3, how much longer do Celtic fans have to put up with this?

Comments

[coach]

i wonder if shaq got that imjury from the botched police raid some days ago ?
i think the heat should stipulate that shaq cannot engage in such activity during on/off season. that he can only participate in raids of toy stores selling fake new nba balls !

[Sung]

how about the one on olowakandi?

[Jack]

StoudEmire. You got it right the first time, but messed it up the second! E, not A.

But I wouldn't want to get close to Chris Kaman either. ugh. hah

[Designer Louis Vuitton]

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