Celtics Strapped for Cash

by Craig Kwasniewski

Brother can you spare a dime, or at least $74.95 for a Paul Pierce St. Patrick's Day Swingman Jersey.

The C's must be seriously strapped for dough. Earlier in the season, they threw a middle finger at tradition and released a road alt. jersey. This week the C's are sporting their fourth jersey, this time to honor St. Patrick's Day.

According to their website: "In the spirit of St. Patrick's Day, we will be celebrating the unique heritage of the Celtics in a way that is fun for both our fans and players". said Executive Vice President Rich Gotham. "We look forward to wearing these special edition uniforms each year as a new franchise tradition."

Translation: We look forward squeezing every last penny out of the suckers who buy this shit.

But why stop there, Boston? Let's just go with 41 different home jerseys. Let's have a red one for Valentine's Day, a blue one for Hanukah, orange for Halloween, have the numbers in Chinese on the Chinese New Year, have bullet holes for Lincoln's birthday and MLK Day (because they both were assassinated...kind of a stretch, but it'll make money!)... come on Boston! You're dropping the ball here!

Look, I like St. Patrick's day just as much as everyone else. I have a pint of green beer and I wear a green t-shirt to work. But does it go any further than getting hammered at the local Irish Pub down the block? So let's just skip the alternate green jerseys.

Comments

[Craig]

The Slamrocks? Lucky the mascot? I am in stunned silence...

I had no idea that the C's have stooped so low. How can you stomach going to any games at the Fleet Center (or whatever they call it)? So did the new ownership look at Arena Football and say, "That's the feel I want at Celtics games!"

That's my whole point about the C's. They ARE NBA Tradition! You don't mess with the jerseys. They have always been about the product on the floor, not the "entertainment experience at the arena."

When the Lakers opened Staples Center, Brett and I felt that they too would go by the way of teams like Utah and Orlando. You know: loud obnoxious PA guys, fire works, some stupid mascot ("Lucious the Laker" dropping from the rafters to Neil Diamond's "They Come to America" firing yellow wads of shit), bad halftime contests, male cheerleader dancers, constant head throbbing background music during play, etc.

We agreed to abandon any games at Staples if that happened.

Luckily, the marketing staff in LA is not THAT overboard. However, give em three more losing seasons and Lucious the Laker will be a reality.

[Brett]

And I've already abandoned 99% of Laker games at Staples, I don't have much further to go! But Clippers games, that's another story.

[Craig]

Ahh Dancing Barry... I am blown away by the NBA knowledge!!! Anyway, a rough ending for that guy. Somewhere back in around 1990 he got fired by the Lakers and tried to hook up with the Clippers. So during a third quarter timeout at the Sports Arena, he did his "Dancing Barry" routine only to be booed out of the arena by the Clipper fans. They played that clip on the news all night.

So I guess Jack Nicholson's the Lakers mascot.

Jack just has this "I just smoked two bong loads" look at Laker games. Seriously, he carries around a certain aura that you can only notice in person. The guy just oozes cool. Maybe it's just knowing that in his prime he was banging EVERY hot actress in Hollywood. Now, he sits courtside and watches the Laker Girls with binoculars. Yet somehow it doesn't look as sleazy as it sounds. Dude, I totally forgot about the mooning incident at the Garden. Hard to believe that the same guy who won a freakin' Oscar is mooning the Boston faithful!!!

The funny thing is that he actually rallied the Lakers during that playoff game a few years ago. The Lakers had ZERO energy and looked like they would lose. Jack pulls "The Shining routine" and the crowd blows up. Shockingly, the refs became intimidated by him.

Sadly, I feel the Lakers will go to the "Hoop Troop" card with male cheerleaders wielding bazookas firing $2 t-shirts sponsored by "Jimmy's Bail Bonds."

[Craig]

At the beginning of this season, the Laker Girls looked VERY average. As the season progresses a few of them grow on you (kinda like that co-worker that suddely looks hot after 6 months, even though she's a 5 on a 10 scale at first glance).

Unfortunately, the Laker Girls have dropped in "talent" the past 5 years. Even the music they dance to sucks. Tony Bruno had a very good theory why the Laker Girls lack talent: Most of the hot women in LA are either actesses, models, porn stars or in the music business. Whereas other cities, the hotest chicks are NBA/NFL dancers (check out the Sacramento ones, I went to a Kings game last season... they surpass the Laker Girls)

What's worse is that they have Laker Girls do the PA announcements during timeouts and halftime. Their job is to look good and shake their ass... not kill me with their ditsy/squealy voices.

Sounds like they need an "Where are they now?" with Dancing Barry and Robin Fricker.

I love the Larry Legend stories. To me, one of the greatest 80's highlight clips is, "Bird... OVER THE BACKBOARD... OHHHHHHH!!!!!!" (Shot at Hartford back when it was insane to think about shooting over the backboard)

So you grew up in Indiana? IU or PU fan?

[Craig]

Not to make this a Purdue love fest or anything but I went to Purdue from 1990-95. Matt Waddell roomed down the hall my freshman year (Tarkington Hall). I never really knew they guy, but the ladies were there ALL THE TIME.

Mat Ten Dam, I just remember his photo from the media guide. This grainy photo of a bald guy hugging a ball with REALLY long shorts. Funny as hell!

It was sad to see how G-Rob's career fizzled out. I used to own a pair of the knee high "13" socks that I broke out when ballin' at home. Anyway, my favorite team was the Cuonzo Martin led Big Ten Champs from 1994-95.

The fact that Gene Keady is an assistant coach at Toronto is the only reason why I saw the Lakers-Toronto game (the 81 pointer). Otherwise, I was going to give them away.

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