The Association: Bring Back the Combover!

December 07, 2005

Bring Back the Combover!

by Craig Kwasniewski

One month into the season and one of the biggest disappointments in The Association has to be the Houston Rockets. Currently they sit at the bottom of the Southwest Division at 5-12. They are losers in 8 of their last 10 games and the pressure is mounting. (I REFUSE to use the cliche that came from that Tom Hanks movie) What is going wrong in Houston?

Take a look at the picture. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Jeff Van Gundy has lost the comb-over. He's decided to wear sweats, add elastic to his jeans, drive a mini-van. By acknowledging that he's bald, Van Gundy has crossed over to the side of the soft/bald/loser coaches.

There have been a long history of good basketball coaches with comb-overs. The Big Ten in the 1980's had three of the best in Lou Henson (Illinois), Jud Heathcote (Michigan State) and my man Gene Keady (Purdue). All three were very temperamental, smart and successful. And as obvious as it was, they never gave up and went bald. Glue, dep, spit, oil, whatever it took, you never saw their domes while they were in charge.

Now look at all the successful coaches in the past 20 years that are bald......Lefty Driesell comes to mind if you consider Georgia State in the hierarchy of college basketball. Can you think of anybody else? Exactly.

So how are the Bald Triumvirate in Bob Weiss, George Karl and Jeff Van Gundy doing in the NBA this season? Their teams are a combined record of 23-30 so far. Not that impressive domers!

What happened Jeff? You were the quirky NBA lifer who willed the Knicks to some gritty victories. You latched on to Alonzo Mourning's leg like a dry-humping dog, you once had your car flipped over and off of an airport tarmac because of jet thrust, you used to stand up to Phil Jackson calling him, "Big Chief Triangle", and you took on the entire officiating crew in last year's post season. You were the scrappy coach who gave it all at the office complete with the Vince Vaughn-72-hour-coke-bender bags under your eyes. And you had that ridiculous comb-over that brought us back to the great comb-overs in our history.

Now you are just a bald guy on the sidelines. You might as well wear sweats with a polo shirt. Come on Jeff, bring back that fight! We know you can channel the energy. Grab some pomade and take those 6 strands and cover that dome...Houston needs you!

Of course the real problem with the Rockets could be injuries and the archaic 90's slow-it-down, slug-it-out style of play that Van Gundy refuses to change. But that would be too easy.....

Posted at 01:19 AM in Rockets | Permalink