By Giarc Iskweinsawk
Over the past few weeks the many truths posted here at The Association have been construed as "hating."
Well it's time to re-think and re-mix our perspective on all things NBA. Our new feature The Bizarro Association will do just that. Let's start with the hottest topic (and turns out, THE GREATEST TEAM EVER ASSEMBLED) the Houston Rockets:
Yao Ming: That Yao Ming... what a leader! I totally get why he gets the most votes for every All Star Game! If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd name him G.O.A.T. OBVIOSLY the US media is racist... can someone please explain to me why he hasn't won an MVP award yet? He's sooooo dedicated to his team! So he's never won a playoff series... BIG DEAL! Other MEGA-SUPER-DUPER STARS (like Tracy McGrady) have never won a playoff series! Yao's neat!
Shane Battier: Oh my gosh... oh my gosh... Shane Battier is super cool! EVERYONE in the world LOVES Duke basketball, right? How can you not love a team that has several television networks openly rooting for them (ESPN and CBS). How can you not love a team that gets every single call from every single referee in the NCAA tournament! And Battier... well he's Mr. All Everything! He's awesome!
Dikembe Mutombo: What's great about Deke it that my grandfather used to watch him when he was young. I really love that finger waving thing that he does! Who cares that the NBA once banned the finger waving and issued technical fouls as far back as last season. Who cares that somehow the NBA forgot that rule and now allows a 75-year old man to wave his finger all over the court after every slightly tipped shot. And who cares that he offers no offensive game ever... all I know is that he's super cool!
Luis Scola: Everyone loves a flopping Argentinean! Who doesn't love that the NBA considers him a top rookie player... despite playing professional basketball since the 1996-97 season. Who doesn't like power forwards who commit moving screens. Let me tell you... only haters hate this guy! He's hate-free in my mind!
Rafer Alston: I heard he used to play with the And-1 crew... that's neat! I LOVE how they have an announcer that talks constantly throughout those basketball games. Who doesn't love that? In fact, we need more of that in everyday life. How neat would it be if at work some dude is following you around... "There's Carl "C-Wod" Woodman!!!! He's getting coffee!!!! OH NO HE DI-INT!! OH... NO... HE... DI... INT!!! HE JUST PUT CREAMER IN.... HIS.... COFEEEAAAHHHH!" With that kind of pedigree, how is Altson NOT ahead of CP3, Deron Williams, Tony Parker, Jason Kidd and Boom Dizzle as the top point guard out west?
Steve Francis: Good old Stevie Franchise! I don't care that he only played 10 games this season or that Houston is basically paying him NOT to play... he's a winner in my book. There are a TON of NBA greats who have NEVER advanced in the playoffs (Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady). He's still neat in my eyes.
The Houston Rockets Schedule: Some people have criticized the Rockets for not beating anyone worth a damn during this winning streak. I say they're just haters! Who cares that the Lakers were missing their 2nd (Gasol), 3rd (Bynum) and 6th (Ariza) best players. The Rockets were missing the best player in the history of the entire free world in Yao Ming!!!! Who cares that the Mavericks were missing the defending league MVP... the Rockets have been missing Yao! A winning streak is a winning streak is a winning streak... and the Rockets have shown... THEY'RE THE BESTEST!
Tracy McGrady: I obviously saved the best for last! Forget Kobe, LeBron, Garnett, Barron Davis, Chris Paul, Deron Williams or Chauncey Billups... Tracy McGrady is flat out my MVP winner for 2007-08! Forget that he's missed an average of 16 games a season since he arrived in Houston. Forget that he's missed 15 games this season alone. Forget that at 22.0 ppg, he's averaging the lowest since his days in Toronto. Forget he's averaging 5.0 rebounds, the second lowest of his career. And forget that he's NEVER advanced in the postseason in his 11-year career... other NBA greats (like Yao Ming) have never advanced in the playoffs. T-Mac is my MVP simply because he's great. I if you don't think he's THE MVP... well you're just a hater and you're racist!
If I had a vote on MVP, I'd split it 50-50 with Yao Ming and T-Mac. How can you not love what they're doing?
The NBA... Where the Rockets Rule!!!!
Sheesh... that was the toughest post ever!