The Association

Keith Closs Beatdown Video

by Brett Edwards

Ever see an NBA player who's over seven feet tall get jumped and beaten outside a club? You're about to. We have the video of former Clipper Keith Closs experiencing just that. This actually happened back in 2000, but it's definitely worth revisiting. Before we get to the video, a quick explanation of how this came up.

After a successful first week in my fantasy basketball league, I attempted to get some smack talk going by ripping on my opponent for the week, who I had just dropped by the count of 7-2. For you non-fantasy geeks, it means I beat him in 7 of 9 categories: a severe ass-kicking. So I said something along the lines of, "I haven't seen a beating like that since Keith Closs was with the Clippers!" I thought I was pretty funny, and living in Los Angeles it's a reference I was sure everyone would get. I was wrong.

Most of the guys in the league are 10 or more years younger than I am, so the response I got back was "Keith who?? You might be too old for this league." So basically because I got called "old," that set Craig and I off on an all-morning Google search for the infamous video. Nothing! After some digging, we discovered the video came from an out-of-print Death Row records "enhanced cd." Craig tracked it down and purchased it, and now we bring it to you.

Because this is copyrighted material and I have no desire to get murdered by Suge Knight, there's no You Tube on this one, you'll have to download it here.

The Clippers finished the '99-'00 season at a miserable 15-67, which led to one of the funnier jokes about this video:

I guess one Clipper got beat 68 times this season!

Fantasy Is Now A Reality

by Brett Edwards

Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in. Just call me The Godfather now that I have been officially sucked back into the underbelly of the fantasy sports world: fantasy basketball.

You may recall my recent statements on how I was staying away from fantasy hoops this year. My main reasons were the obscure categories and the long season, the latter being my biggest problem. Being someone who thrives in this ADD society we live in, I couldn't focus for the entirety of the NBA regular season. But I could focus on my lineup once a week, and I was able to get the league to include a head-to-head component, where you play against another team each week. In addition to there being the total points prizes, at the end of the season there are playoffs to determine a head-to-head league champion. I figure this way it will be similar to the NFL fantasy leagues in that I only have to worry about my lineups once a week, thereby allowing me to actually have a life and not needing to stay up until 12:01AM to pick up that next rising star.

So here's my team, in the order that I drafted it: Lebron, Jermaine O'Neal, Lamar Odom, Marcus Camby, Raymond Felton, Mike James, Josh Howard, Luol Deng, Mike Miller, Shaun Livingston, Antoine Walker, Chris Wilcox, Rajon Rondo, Melvin Ely, Flip Murray.

I basically drafted based on 3 factors:

(1) Obvious choices. I had the number one pick overall, so Lebron was a no-brainer.
(2) Players I like. That's where Josh Howard, Mike James, and Chris Wilcox came in.
(3) The Bill Simmons factor. As much as I enjoy most of his writing, you have to admit the guy has absolutely no life, is a HUGE basketball fan, and spends all day on the internet. So when Simmons says he got all the players he wanted and then listed a bunch of sleepers, you can bet that was an easy place to look for draft advice. You'll notice that I got several of the players he likes, so if Simmons has a good season (likely) then so will I.

Anyone else into fantasy hoops and had your draft yet? I'm not much of an expert in this and I'd love someone who knows this stuff to critique my team. Let's just hope that mid-season I don't get taken out like Sonny Corleone.

Fantasy Frenzy: Not For Me

by Brett Edwards

NBA.com has declared today "Fantasy Frenzy" day! And why not. With the season just 15 days away, anyone who plays fantasy hoops has to be preparing for their draft, and today's full slate of content can prepare even the most clueless of fantasy players.

The frenzy consists of a variety of content, all devoted to getting you ready for your fantasy season. There are multiple live chats, previews on Sirius Satellite radio, and even an NBA TV special. The NBA is really doing everything they can to hype up the fantasy angle for their league.

I know that the NFL has managed to get an entire generation of fans by simply promoting the fantasy angle for their sport, and I don't blame the NBA for trying to do the same. The problem is, fantasy NBA just isn't that fun.

There are too many categories that are simply for stat geeks, like FG%, FT%, 3PFG%, turnovers, etc. Once you get beyond the big 3 categories of points, rebounds, and assists, you turn into a box score junkie who loses all comprehension of who the really good teams and players are. You end up looking for that next fix of "blah blah had 4 steals tonight, YES!," which totally defeats the purpose of watching the players and teams that make the game so exciting.

There other reason why fantasy NBA just doesn't work for me, is that the season is WAY too long for me to stay interested. Last season, I played fantasy for the first time in like 12 years. Anyone in my league will tell you that I drafted the best team. But I had a few players go down with injuries for 10-15 games, and since I have a life I couldn't stay focused enough for seven months to be adding, dropping, starting, and sitting players on a daily basis. So of course, I lost. The reason that fantasy football is the perfect storm is that you only have to worry about it once a week, and it's only for about four months, playoffs included. 16 games in 16 weeks versus 82 games over 28 weeks...fantasy football works because it's not ultra-time consuming and it's only once a week.

So if you're into fantasy hoops, check out NBA.com for a full slate of content. As for me, I'll be getting my satellite account set up to watch all of the games without worrying about how many turnovers Devean George has.