The Association

Photos: The REAL Reason Portland Lost Game One

By Craig Kwasniewski  

Crash goes the Blazers bandwagon!  Debris is all over the place and the few survivors are left to ponder... what went wrong?  Are the Rockets just a bad match-up?  Maybe.  Could a lack of playoff experience be their downfall?  Possibly.  Do the Blazers have that fifth gear necessary for the post season?  Not sure.

But the real reason Portland lost to Houston on Saturday...

The Portland Trailblazers held a championship parade-like "rally" BEFORE the start of the playoffs! As I wrote on Friday, "Nothing says "we're just happy to be here" more than a championship parade BEFORE the playoffs." 

Correct me if I'm wrong but did Shaq belt out a Can You Dig It? BEFORE the playoffs?  Did Tony Parker float down the open sewer Riverwalk BEFORE the playoffs? Did Kevin Garnett drop a few MF bombs in Copley Square in a April?  I totally understand the passion and support Portland has for this team after what seems to be decades of the Jailblazers era, but celebrating a playoff appearance in a league where more than half teams make the post season is very soccer mom-ish.  Check out the non-title celebration: 

Breaking Down Bynum vs. Oden

by Craig Kwasniewski

Instead of a typical 316 report on the Lakers 100-86 win over Portland I'd like to break down the first real match-up (Oden injured his knee and barely played back on opening night) between Greg Oden and Andrew Bynum. In all reality we are at least 2 years before both players are relevant focal points so I'm really focusing on the little things like footwork and post skills:

Advantage Oden: His lower leg strength. Oden was able to get low post position and back down Bynum any time he wanted to. Despite being a rookie, Oden's footwork is very polished as he moved Bynum all over the place by lowering his center of gravity and using those boat-sized feet. Bynum simply doesn't know how to use his legs to leverage his man out on the low block on offense. Kenderick Perkins bodied him away from the key a few weeks ago and I thought it had more to do with intimidation until I saw that Oden did the same tonght. And Bynum doesn't have a mid-range post game so he just looks awkward with the ball in the post. Despite the excellent footwork, Oden's offensive skills are very raw. His post move (no "s" he only has one move) is a Chris Webber-like shot put hook shot. And like a Webber it barely comes close to going in. But we know that with Oden's work ethic he will eventually get an offensive game to match his post up ability. Bynum needs to work on leg strength and lowering his center of gravity on the post.

Advantage Bynum: His offensive rebounding skills. Bynum reminds me of Marcus Camby on the offensive glass. A mix of good timing, quick hands and LENGTH allowed Bynum to get his hands on a fair share of offensive boards tonight. Oden works the glass with brute strength but Bynum's wiry physique actually got over and around Oden for a few boards... Just like Camby.

Who's better? That's hard to call considering both teams don't depend on either to carry them. But right now I'd say Greg Oden is more NBA-ready simply based his footwork and efficient use of his size. He knows how to clog the lane defensively and is a good rebounder. Bynum's not playing with the same confidence as last season and it shows as Phil Jackson rarely uses him down the stretch. So right now it's Oden, but if Bynum stops sulking then maybe it's a different story.

The present and future: Both players clearly have the skills and work ethic to be a factor for years but they just aren't there right now. Oden needs to work on his offensive skills and Bynum needs to work on his footwork. But both benefit from playing on quality franchises that have the patience to allow them to develop. Basically they're not asked to carry their respective teams right now. In fact both franchises are stable and are able to see the "big picture" with these guys.

NBA Draft Trade Roundup: Jermaine O'Neal to Toronto for T.J. Ford Is the Biggie

by Brett Edwards

A few quick trades to report today as we get ready for tomorrow night's draft.

Jermaine O'Neal to the Raptors in exchange for T.J. Ford: Good deal for both clubs. Indiana gets to rebuild with two first-rounders, and Toronto gets to team Chris Bosh and JO together (for at least the 50 games that O'Neal's healthy). Also, solves that silly point guard feud about who should start for the Raps.

Nuggets give trade their only pick to the Bobcats: Looks like Denver has no interest in the players who might be available at 20, and looks like Charlotte gets a chance to improve quickly with two first round picks. Nice move for the Bobcats, curious one for the Nuggets. Some possible reasons Denver might have done this.

Portland buys New Orleans' #27 Pick for $3M: Interesting move by the Blazers, who already seemed to have too many picks and players to begin with. Could they be stockpiling to move WAY up in the draft? Stay tuned.

Win a Date with Zach Randolph

By Craig Kwasniewski

Hey ladies, tired of all the good guys being married or gay? Trying to look for the sensitive bad guy? Well here's you big chance to make it happen. Step up to the plate and win a date with Zach Randolph!

He's tall, he's rich, he "considers himself a gangstar," he's the starting forward for the Portland Trailblazers who ironically has stated, "I'm a gangstar not a Blazer."

He's Zachary McKenzie Randolph, and ladies, with the right bid he may be yours for one date.

Your date starts off with meeting Mr. Randolph's "Hoop Family" at Exotica International, a fine establishment where you'll spend time consuming the finest libations at Zach's private table.

But that's just the beginning. The winning bidder then follows up with a cash "gift" in the amount of $500 in exchange for lesbian sex with a partner of Zach's choice, most likely someone from his extended "Hoop Family."

After hearing the magic words, "do it again" from Zach Randolph, the winner continues to consume copious amounts of libations with her man. After falling asleep with the eligible bachelor, forcible anal sex will be applied.

If you're lucky, Zach Randolph will serenade you with a birthday song.

Ladies how can you resist... oh sorry, you're not allowed to resist. Oh well, have fun!

More Zach-iness:

Complaint of Sexual Assault and Battery Against Zach Randolph

The $2 Million Complaint Against Zach Randolph @ Truehoop.com

Zach Randolph E-Greeting Cards

Lawsuit Match Game

By Craig Kwasniewski

It's Wednesday night; you're home watching Chucky Atkins throw another alley-oop to Stromile Swift that lands in the 8th row; you're polishing off the 3rd beer of the night, and just before you hit the porn sites… it's time to play everyone's favorite game…

Lawsuit Match Game!!!

Lawsuit Match Game challenges you, the reader, to correctly match past and present athletes from the National Basketball Association with their current lawsuit. Sounds simple, right? Not necessarily so! Behind each one of our models is the correct answer. (Models? In this case there are none. Bro, we’re a non-profit blogsite the best you’ll get is to google porn, which you'll go back to doing in 5 minutes anyway.)

Anyway, match the athlete with the correct offense and you are a winner! (No prizes)

The NBA Athletes:

1. Kobe Bryant

2. Zach Randolph

3. Bruce Bowen

The Offense:

A. Sexual Assault

B. Ankle Assault

C. Assault and Battery

The correct answers are at the end.

Well, did you guess correctly? Okay so the one of them is not an real lawsuit, (but it should be!) one is not surprising at all and one is completely asinine. Though if the fan does get a settlement from Kobe, then I may have a chance to collect from my incident with Sam Cassell. (I'm talking about the elbow, Kobe wasn't charged with sexual assault!)

BTW - Big ups to Gene Rayburn for continually reaching down into his inner soul and finding a way to flirt with Brett Somers by using his (BLANK).

Answers: 1-C, 2-A, 3-B

The Korean Gheorghe Muresan

By Craig Kwasniewski

Okay while I'm still trying to figure out why Zidane became Ron Artest with the random headbutt, here's a few pictures just to remind Portland fans (what's left of them) that they are right in the middle of the Ha Seung-Jin era. These photos show that he's working on his "game" in the 2006 Toshiba Vegas Summer League.

Okay so they didn't Draft the Stache, but at least they still have the Korean Gheorghe Muresan. How can Portland NOT be exited with their future?

Back in February I saw Ha Seung-Jin start for the Blazers against LA (Who Ha?). Besides being a worthless stiff, I also noticed that Ha Seung-Jin had really small feet for a 7-footer. Basketball is mostly footwork, so how the hell is a 7'3", 305-pound dude going to cut and stop on tiny feet? Yet another reason why Portland continues to struggle.

And while we're at it, who's the last "project" center that played key minutes on a playoff contender? Mark Eaton and Shawn Bradley come to mind, is there anyone else? Yet NBA exec's still waste roster spots in these guys waiting for that diamond-in-the-rough.

Good times ahead for the Blazers!

Draft The Stache

by Brett Edwards

A radio station in Portland really wants the Blazers to draft Adam Morrison. So much so that they've started a Draft The Stache website and campaign, which includes soliciting songs from their listeners. You can find the songs here, by selecting the "Podcasts" menu option at the top of the main page, then go to the "1080 The Fan Songs" section. Funny and disturbing. Oh and don't forget to check out the Stache Wire for daily updates.

Their main reason for wanting to draft Morrison so badly:

"...he plays small forward. The same position as the current poster boy for the soured image. The move we propose would remove any doubt that the Blazers would need to part with Darius Miles before training camp begins in October."

Well at least that makes sense. I just hope Adam doesn't shave before the draft.

Stoudamire Returns To Stomp Blazers

by Brett Edwards

Amare Stoudamire returned to the basketball court after months of rehab and shopping to assist the Suns in blowing out the Blazers. Amare scored 20 points and grabbed 9 boards in only 19 minutes of play. Even though this was against a horrible Portland team, it's still a good sign for the Suns' hopes going into the playoffs.

If Stoudamire can get into playoff level shape over the next few weeks, the Suns definitely would have a shot at getting to the Finals, especially because they would only have to play Dallas or San Antonio, but not both. Those two teams would play each other in the conference semis.

Side note on the Blazers. They may be the worst team in the league, even if their record doesn't reflect it. They get blown out night after night, with their last 10 losses coming by an average of almost 15 points per game, including a 29 point loss to the freaking Bulls. At least teams like the Knicks put forth some effort, but the Blazers just give up if they fall behind. They should really fire Maurice Cheeks. Oh wait, they did that already.

Ruben Patterson, Registered Sex Offender

by Brett Edwards

First known for being the self-proclaimed "Kobe-stopper" from his days with the Lakers, and now known as the "nanny stopper" from his days with the Blazers, new Nugget Ruben Patterson has some extra details to work out after this week's trade that sent him to Denver.

According to his page in the Wikipedia, Ruben must register as a sex offender in the state where he lives. This can't be a fun added detail for him as he has to move mid-season to another team, can it? What's his new city checklist look like? Let's see, moving van? Check. New house? Check. Going door to door to tell everyone in your neighborhood you're a pederass? Well...

Nuggets Deal Watson

by Craig Kwasniewski

So I'm trying to figure out the whole point to the Earl Watson era in Denver. Last summer, the Nuggets sign Watson to a 5 year-$29 million contract, making him the third point guard on the team (behind Boykins and Miller). Watson doesn't even leave the bench for the first eight games of the season. Eventually, he settles in as a 20-25 minute guard off the bench, averaging 7.5 points and 3.5 assists.

The trade rumors start to fly. Teams like Houston, Orlando, New York and Seattle, all looking to acquire a decent point guard, start calling.

So what does Denver do? They trade Watson in a three team deal with Portland and Seattle. Here's the rundown:

-Denver acquires Reggie Evans from Seattle and Reuben Patterson and Charles Smith from Portland.
-Portland gets Voshon Lenard from Denver and Vitaly Potapenko from Seattle.
-Seattle gets Watson and Bryon Russell from Denver.

So with all the offers coming their way, the best the Nugs can do is Patterson and Evans? Actually both are unselfish quality defensive players. By acquiring power forward Evans, does that mean that Kenyon Martin will be shipped? Side bonus: Reuben Patterson's rap sheet should pale in comparison to Melo's, thus improving the image of their star player.

Portland will continue its ongoing quest for salary-cap relief with Leonard. Plus they seem to be stockpiling a quality group of international stiffs in Potapenko, Ha Seung-Jin and Viktor Khryapa.

Seattle (who by the way allows a shocking 106.7 points a game) gets Watson, which will add quality depth to their backcourt. The Chris Wilcox deal last week allowed the Sonics to part ways with Evans, who was a key player last seasons playoff run.