By Craig Kwasniewski
Ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Clippercide, the no-nonsense spray that not only kills germs it also completely obliterates NBA careers. Free agents, rookies, undrafted players, unemployed coaches and even GM's down on your luck... this is the spray for you! Just open the can, shake it up and gently spray all over your body. Instantly you'll feel a tingly sensation... that's Clippercide working! Within weeks you'll feel your NBA career slowly slip away... to be completely gone within 90-days.
What makes Clippercide work so well is not just the ingredients or how it was made. No, it goes beyond that and it all starts at the top...with the Clippers owner himself, Donald T. Sterling. See, Mr. Sterling puts the exact same effort, care and open mindedness that he does in running his apartment holdings into each and every can of Clippercide. Which explains why careers end so quickly.
So if you're a potential free agent this summer and it looks like you may think about joining the Clippers... this spray is for you. And within weeks and maybe days your career will be over or your money back... because the contract is guaranteed! But seriously...
LeBron, stay away from the can of Clippercide! Do not come to the Clippers, you have been warned!
BTW - Seriously, this is a real can of spray that I saw when getting a haircut the other day. I only wish I was creative enough to make this up.
BTW2 - Did you know regicide is the killing of a monarch? I always thought it was the act of killing Reggie Miller. Sorry Knicks fans.