By Giarc Iskweinsawk
Over the past few weeks the many truths posted here at The Association have been construed as "hating."
Well it's time to re-think and re-mix our perspective on all things NBA. Our new feature The Bizarro Association will do just that. Let's start with the hottest topic (and turns out, THE GREATEST TEAM EVER ASSEMBLED) the Houston Rockets:
Yao Ming: That Yao Ming... what a leader! I totally get why he gets the most votes for every All Star Game! If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd name him G.O.A.T. OBVIOSLY the US media is racist... can someone please explain to me why he hasn't won an MVP award yet? He's sooooo dedicated to his team! So he's never won a playoff series... BIG DEAL! Other MEGA-SUPER-DUPER STARS (like Tracy McGrady) have never won a playoff series! Yao's neat!
Shane Battier: Oh my gosh... oh my gosh... Shane Battier is super cool! EVERYONE in the world LOVES Duke basketball, right? How can you not love a team that has several television networks openly rooting for them (ESPN and CBS). How can you not love a team that gets every single call from every single referee in the NCAA tournament! And Battier... well he's Mr. All Everything! He's awesome!
Dikembe Mutombo: What's great about Deke it that my grandfather used to watch him when he was young. I really love that finger waving thing that he does! Who cares that the NBA once banned the finger waving and issued technical fouls as far back as last season. Who cares that somehow the NBA forgot that rule and now allows a 75-year old man to wave his finger all over the court after every slightly tipped shot. And who cares that he offers no offensive game ever... all I know is that he's super cool!
Luis Scola: Everyone loves a flopping Argentinean! Who doesn't love that the NBA considers him a top rookie player... despite playing professional basketball since the 1996-97 season. Who doesn't like power forwards who commit moving screens. Let me tell you... only haters hate this guy! He's hate-free in my mind!
Rafer Alston: I heard he used to play with the And-1 crew... that's neat! I LOVE how they have an announcer that talks constantly throughout those basketball games. Who doesn't love that? In fact, we need more of that in everyday life. How neat would it be if at work some dude is following you around... "There's Carl "C-Wod" Woodman!!!! He's getting coffee!!!! OH NO HE DI-INT!! OH... NO... HE... DI... INT!!! HE JUST PUT CREAMER IN.... HIS.... COFEEEAAAHHHH!" With that kind of pedigree, how is Altson NOT ahead of CP3, Deron Williams, Tony Parker, Jason Kidd and Boom Dizzle as the top point guard out west?
Steve Francis: Good old Stevie Franchise! I don't care that he only played 10 games this season or that Houston is basically paying him NOT to play... he's a winner in my book. There are a TON of NBA greats who have NEVER advanced in the playoffs (Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady). He's still neat in my eyes.
The Houston Rockets Schedule: Some people have criticized the Rockets for not beating anyone worth a damn during this winning streak. I say they're just haters! Who cares that the Lakers were missing their 2nd (Gasol), 3rd (Bynum) and 6th (Ariza) best players. The Rockets were missing the best player in the history of the entire free world in Yao Ming!!!! Who cares that the Mavericks were missing the defending league MVP... the Rockets have been missing Yao! A winning streak is a winning streak is a winning streak... and the Rockets have shown... THEY'RE THE BESTEST!
Tracy McGrady: I obviously saved the best for last! Forget Kobe, LeBron, Garnett, Barron Davis, Chris Paul, Deron Williams or Chauncey Billups... Tracy McGrady is flat out my MVP winner for 2007-08! Forget that he's missed an average of 16 games a season since he arrived in Houston. Forget that he's missed 15 games this season alone. Forget that at 22.0 ppg, he's averaging the lowest since his days in Toronto. Forget he's averaging 5.0 rebounds, the second lowest of his career. And forget that he's NEVER advanced in the postseason in his 11-year career... other NBA greats (like Yao Ming) have never advanced in the playoffs. T-Mac is my MVP simply because he's great. I if you don't think he's THE MVP... well you're just a hater and you're racist!
If I had a vote on MVP, I'd split it 50-50 with Yao Ming and T-Mac. How can you not love what they're doing?
The NBA... Where the Rockets Rule!!!!
Sheesh... that was the toughest post ever!
WAAAH! My Lakers lost! WAAAH!
Posted by: Ted | March 17, 2008 at 11:07 AM
Hey Craig- Seriously, if the Lakers went on a 22 game winning streak, and someone posted a blog like this about them, what would you say? That they are an idiot, right? Well...
Posted by: Chris | March 17, 2008 at 11:17 AM
Let's all cool off.
Maybe you guys should step back and give a kicks update.
Posted by: John R. | March 17, 2008 at 11:18 AM
Meh, losers with blogs...
Posted by: Sigur | March 17, 2008 at 01:40 PM
Wow. I've been reading your stuff for about a year now and this is basically the only sh*t I dont agree with. Give atleast a little credit where credit is due. Kobe got his ass kicked by this so called fluke. So what? Chill out. No one said the Rockets were the best team. This is a great example of a team effort and if you can't respect that... then wow.
Posted by: Brian | March 17, 2008 at 01:59 PM
Wow.
What a classless, immature, pile of junk this is.
Go back to writing MySpace Bullitens.
You forgot the ending:
"Send this blog to 10 people or you'll never find true love (I love you Kobeee!)."
Posted by: Ill Mac | March 17, 2008 at 01:59 PM
Xome on guys. 22 is 22. nothing you say or write will change it. I understand that you are sore losers, all lakers fans are like this, so that's nothing to be embarassed about. but hey! now you haev a great chance for a championship, and you probably have the most talented player since The Son of God (also known in some cultures as "michael Jordan"). Of course, my suns could still stand in the way... but this really is a good chance. so cool off, don't praise the rockets... but get on a team and win 22, and then critise whoever you want. T-Mac is not this year's MVp true, that should go to LeBron, Kobe or KG. Yao is not the best player either, even though i don't think anyone said he is. he gets the most votes because the world's biggest population is backing him up. and, yeah, the lakers were missing 3 key players but they still have the OMG HE'S THE BEST EVER SHUT UP ANYONE WITH NONSENSE ABOUT SOME GUY NAMED LEBRON YOU ARE ALL JUST HATERS HE IS THE BEST Kobe Bryant. also, McGrady, who is the rockets best player, was totally off. and seriously, how the f*ck can you not respect Mutombo for his achievemnts, and still being able to play effectively at his age? this just sucks.
Posted by: Murcy | March 17, 2008 at 02:53 PM
Wow....
Are u Lonely??
Or are u just Stupid...it could be both
Get well soon
Posted by: Jay | March 17, 2008 at 10:52 PM
LoL....wow ur very bothered by their success
do u have a favorite team?..... i mean..they must suck bad since ur talking about the best team in the west right now
its funny cause everything u say makes no sense and it will never prove anything
but hey...im sorry u feel so bad....
lmao
GO ROCKETS!
Posted by: Ken | March 17, 2008 at 10:59 PM
How does this pass for "Intelligent NBA Commentary"?
Posted by: Will | March 18, 2008 at 05:35 AM
were you cut by the rockets in training camp or somthing.....geez
what they have done has been great for basketball and is an amazing accomplishment.
nobody has said they are the greatest team ever, if anything everyone has been talking bad because its a "fluke". well im sorry you got cut, i bet you could make the heat.
Posted by: gardy | March 18, 2008 at 08:45 AM
Hey Craig, maybe you should write a new post going back to complaining about the Warriors or San Antonio, or maybe the Clippers or Suns?
Ever notice how the most insecure people are the most insulting? What I'm trying to say, and which your pea brain probably can't understand, is that you rip all these other teams because deep down you know your team sucks and is led by a rapist.
Posted by: Charles | March 18, 2008 at 09:06 AM
Wow how often do you get to see a laker fan throw a tantrum in writing fresh off a spanking of their team? The best part is the Rockets didn't even have their best player. Its good to see a self entitled lakers fan get whats coming to them.
Just because the Lakers don't play team ball, and are essentially a Kobe Bryant show with no team play doesn't mean you need to tear down a team playing well. I mean how can you say what the Rockets are doing isn't remarkable, they are a walking clichet, they are the definition of "the whole is greater than the sum of its parts".
Posted by: Brian | March 18, 2008 at 09:26 AM
Wow, this blog is so idiotic that it makes ESPN Sportscenter mouthpieces seem like Stephen Hawking in comparison.
Congratulations, that's quite an accomplishment!
Are you a LA Fakers fan? Your hissy fit about the Rockets certainly makes you seem like one--given that the Fakers and your annointed MVP Kobe Bryant just got beat.
This must be what passes for intelligent and astute basketball analysis in LA LA Land.
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