By Craig Kwasniewski
All-Star Saturday Night has always been one of my favorite events of the entire NBA All-Star Weekend. Maybe it's because I always find myself waxing nostalgia for the great moments of the 1980's, like MJ in the dunk contest or Bird's throwing up the #1 sign as he wins the three-point shootout. But I also love that all the significant ballers in the association gear up and hang out for the night. If All-Star Weekend was a wedding, this would be the rehearsal dinner, with people eating, getting drunk and doing their "I love you man!" speeches.
Anyway, here's some quick takes that I jotted down while watching All-Star Saturday Night on Tivo:
-David Robinson needs to take advice from Kareem, MJ and Samuel Jackson and shave his damn head.
-So the big change to all star Saturday night is to add a final round to the Shooting Stars competition? Why not have a half-court shot competition?
-Haier Shooting Stars brought to you by Chinese prison labor (they're headquartered in China).
-I'll take even odds on Duncan and Robinson Chinese Finger Cuffing (brought to you by Haier) that WNBA chick.
-Big question for skills competition: will Kidd spit on his Nets jersey?
-Hey Mavs fans, with Kidd comes a bajillion shots of his son sitting courtside. Do you REALLY need this?
-Second big question: will D-Wade wear a #32 with "fuck you" on the back?
-How very Miami Heat of Wade to have a turnover in the skills competition... A turnover?????
-Inspector LeBron James? Is it raining inside the New Orleans Arena?
-Maybe Dallas should reconsider the Kidd trade after seeing the Skills Competition (and CP3 and Williams skillz)... And thank Devean George along the way. Again, non-stop shots of Kidd's son!
-Yay, a bunch of corporate tools win a PS3!
-Why do we have to vote for the greatest dunk ever... every.. single.. year?
Foot Locker Three-Point Shootout
-Nice to see the band "White Man Overbite" do the opening montage to the Three-Point Shootout.
-Even Barkley and Jet Smith miss the first two events, and so do half of the fans. Again, can't we spruce this thing up with higher payouts or better competitions?
-You can see that Rip practiced for this, but not for the line (he stepped over a ton).
-Can someone please say Money Shot?
-Boobie was the tits (stupid joke, but what do you expect after a few beers?).
-Nash gets 9, which is in Canadian dollars, so it's really 15.
-WOW, the world is near the end: Eli Manning doing a Gatorade "worldofclutch.com" add. Even Giant fans have trouble believeing that one! (Believe me, in 10 years we'll be asking ourselves how he got a SB MVP.
-Can't they allow Dirk to shoot with Rammstein playing? (Du Hast Me!)
-Dirk's arc goes higher than the shot clock... Awesome!
-Funniest remark of the night, "is Damon Jones still in this league?"
-Dirk almost hit the camera with the arc!
-Props to Kapono! Another Miami Heat moment? Oh yeah, Pat Riley let him go and traded for Rickey Davis. Let's ask Wade for his thoughts... "Fuck you, Riles!!!"
-Soooo pedictable to have Dr. John sing before the dunk contest (read: piss break). You're telling me that there's no other entertainers from New Orleans? They literally roll this guy out for every sporting event in New Orleans.
-Why give Magic Johnson a mic? Does it come with subtitles?
-Moon opens strong!
-Dwight Howard with a flat out 10! Not just for behind the backboard, but for the windmill follow-up.
-Birthday cake looks promising, but call it correct: Cupcake.
-Magic with his annual "The slam dunk is back!" He literally does this every year.
-Cupcake is a 10 for creativity! Reminds me of the Sticker Dunk from last year. And the voters did the same thing and screwed over the most creative dunk so far.
-How did Daryl Dawkins give an 8 for the Cupcake Dunk? His nickname is Chocolate Thunder... It was a chocolate cupcake!!!
-Rudy Gay's dunk is more like a 9 compared to Howard and Green.
-Moon can't use a one dimensional jump shooter (Kapono) to pass for his dunk.
-Green's second dunk was an 8.
-Dwight Howard is a pure showman!!! The Superman Dunk ranks up there with the best ever for the hype alone.
-All these creative dunks give me an idea... The scoring system should be broken into two parts: creativity and physicality. Just to rate all these dunks on the same 10 scale doesn't give it justice.
-Gerald Green's first dunk in the final was a 9.5 (between legs off a toss)
-Again Dwight Howard's 1st dunk in the finals would get a 10 for creativity along with a 10 for physicality (the switch hands off the glass one).
-Socks dunk would have been better earlier, but not after Howard's show-stoppers.
-"Let's go home!" Kenny Smith appropriately said it best after Howard's last dunk. Hands down, Howard was the most creative ever!
-Magic needs to stop saying "it is back!" for the 27th year in a row!
-There's no need to go "American Idol" by giving the judges a mic; just awkward and a total momentum killer. Even Sheryl Miller had to pull the plug on Dr. J's endless old-guy rant.
-Finally, Dwight Howard deserves to win with the unique creativity along with his imprssive skills... a good way to end an above-average All-Star Saturday Night.
lol @ chinese finger cuffs - for a wnba chick, she was kind of fly!
Posted by: khal | February 17, 2008 at 10:43 AM
ha, dwight totally stole the night. i actually saw him practicing the switch-hands one earlier in the week:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIz7sYjp1Sc
...guess it paid off. Sick.
Posted by: dwight4prez | February 18, 2008 at 12:09 PM
Chinese finger cuff huh? You have to appreciate the versatility of the English language!
Posted by: BMerc | February 18, 2008 at 12:28 PM