By Craig Kwasniewski
The Miami Heat have signed Smush Parker to a 2-year contract on Friday and all I can say is...
Thank you Pat Riley!
Thanks for signing the worst Laker starter since Samaki Walker.
Thanks for signing the worst starting point guard in the NBA for the past two seasons.
Thanks for signing the biggest playoff choke since Devean George (how'd that work for ya Dallas?).
Thanks for signing all those thrown headbands... oh and there will be many more to come in South Beach!
Thanks for signing all those missed WIDE OPEN jumpers. Hey Miami, get used to this sound: "Awwwwwwww!!!" (That's what you'll say as Smush misses another jumper courtesy of a Wade or Shaq double team.)
Thanks for signing the player with worst body language in the league. Hey Smush, keep your chin up... I'm sure a lot of players would have blown that uncontested layup.
Thanks for signing the worst off-the-ball defender in the league. Help defense isn't really Smush's forté... actually he doesn't really have a forté.
There's two ways to look at this move:
1) Pat Riley is officially in his "Hey I'm Keith Hernandez" stage of his career. He somehow believes that his coaching skills and the abilities of Shaq and Wade will make something out of Smush. If he succeeds, five NBA title be damned, this will be the best coaching effort of his career.
2) The Miami Heat sold out their future for the 2005-06 NBA title and are now stuck in salary cap hell. The South Florida Sun-Sentinel says it best:
Parker is the Heat's lone acquisition in an offseason framed by failure to sign Milwaukee guard Mo Williams or Rockets guard Steve Francis. Warriors swingman Mickael Pietrus and Spanish guard Juan Carlos Navarro remain outside possibilities through a sign-and-trade.
When you're big offseason acquisition is Smush Parker YOU ARE FUCKED!
Once again, thank you Pat Riley! As for the Miami Heat fans, I leave you with the words of Smush Parker (and a huge smile from me):
I came to the Heat for the chance to bring a championship back to Miami. We have all the right pieces in place. Whatever they want me to do, I'll do. I'll be a floor leader, a coach on the floor. I'm a point guard; the offense and defense starts with me.
But I won't have to ever again!