by Brett Edwards
One American Idol showed up tonight, the other one didn't. The Spurs surprised no one by taking Game 1 of the NBA Finals, 85-76, and it really wasn't that close. LeBron was completely shut down, and didn't score his first field goal until there was 7:13 left in the 3rd. I live-blogged this train wreck at the FanHouse, here are some of the highlights.
- I'm very disappointed that the Spurs' PA announcer (who sounds very, um, creaky) didn't introduce Daniel Gibson as "Boobie." I mean, the NBA likes the nickname enough to put it on a t-shirt, so why not?
- Tony Parker, from "Paris." I guess there are no schools in France? Or did he not graduate from one. We know Eva Longoria won't bang him until they get married, but we can't find this out?
- Parker goes down hard, and we have our first Eva Longoria shot at the 6:21 mark. Everyone that had the first two minutes of the game in your office pool, pay up.
- San Antonio has missed 10 of their last 12 FGs and still lead? Meanwhile, LeBron misses another shot. The King is now 0-6 from the field. WE ARE ALL WITNESSES.
- They're airing the Vitamin Water commercial with 50 Cent conducting the orchestra. Anyone out there into V Water? For me, there are too many damn formulas to figure out which one I should buy. 50 has one, Shaq has one, and there are like a million different choices with different combinations of flavors and vitamins. I don't know about you, but when I'm thirsty, I don't want to have to consult an old chemistry textbook to see which drink I should buy.
- LeBron does the ol' "shoot it right after the buzzer" so it won't count against his field goal percentage, which is still a big zero. 40-35 Spurs at the half.
- A couple of points about the halftime panel. Grant Hill, feel free to lay off the blow before you go on national television. Dude acted like he was shot out of a cannon when he got the chance to talk. And, Grant? No one cares about your personal experience, unless it's about rehabbing from an injury.
- Mike Breen with the "this could be a dangerous time for Cleveland" comment. You think so, doctor? Parker lays it in to extend the lead to 11, timeout Cavs.
- This is hilarious! The arena is playing Green Day's "Brain Stew" (iTunes store link) from the Insomniac album. See, I've always said the Spurs are so boring that they'll put you to sleep, and now the team is admitting it.
- With 9:10 on the clock, I'm calling this game like a doctor calling a time of death. Cleveland can't hit threes, LeBron is invisible, and the Spurs are up 18.
- What's the record for lowest points in a Finals game? I'm thinking Cleveland might challenge that tonight. Let me do some Googling, be right back.
- OK, that record's safe. The Jazz managed only 54 points in losing Game 3 of the 1998 Finals to the Bulls. See that Cleveland? You have something to shoot for in Game 2.
- JVG just mentioned the 1999 Finals, and since this game's a blowout, let's talk about that. ESPN's John Hollinger ranked the last 60 NBA Finals teams, and the 1999 Spurs came in at number 8. Um, no [freaking] way. The 1999 season was shortened by a lockout, and most players were injured, out of shape, or just didn't care. It's also the only time in NBA history that an eight seed (the Knicks) made it to the Finals. So putting the Spurs ahead of teams like the 1989 and 1990 Pistons, or the 2000, '01, and '02 Lakers, is absolutely preposterous. Look, the Spurs have won titles since then, let's just agree to drop a huge asterisk on 1999, shall we?