Why the Laker Girls aren't the Hottest Dance Squad

By Craig Kwasniewski

So Phoenix finally lost... blah blah blah... let's talk about something interesting like the Laker Girls.

Basketbawful brought up an interesting point from yesterday's post:

The Laker Girls used to be the glamour queens of the NBA, befitting of a dance squad from the glamour capital of the U.S. Now...well, they're just a group of very attractive women. There are a number of dance squads (like the Heat Dancers...oh...my...god...) that are waaay hotter. What's up with that?

I'll tell you what's up. First, great point about the Heat Dancers, they are simply the MJ of NBA Dance squads, right up there with the Dallas Mavericks' Hot Asses (or whatever they call them). In fact one of the running subplots from last year's NBA Finals was the matchup of the hottest dance squads in the NBA. I even did a 10,000 word post comparing the two when I was on vacation in Ireland only to have the computer crash (or maybe too many pints of Guinness led me to accidentally deleting the post). It was brilliant, I broke down the benefits of both squads (Miami = slutty/curvy hot chicks, Dallas = hot chicks who also love football... it was tie).

So why are the Laker Girls simply "just a group of very attractive women?" There's a few reasons:

1. It's easier to stare stalk look at the Laker Girls when your with your girlfriend or wife or both (depending how you roll) at a game. As we all know, women are incredibly insecure and jealous, if your staring at some ridiculously hot chick... well let's just say the date ends right after the game. But in this case they aren't really threatened by the Laker Girls. In fact you'll get a good number of the women in the crowd applauding their dance routines.

Believe me, that would NOT be the reaction if the Heat Dancers just finished their routine. Instead you'll hear stuff like, "She looks like a slut!" and "She looks fat in that!" Not good times.

2. The Laker Girls actually look attainable. Back in the day, when Brett and I had Laker season tickets, we felt that all we needed was 5 minutes at a bar or club (plus the bad cop worse cop routine) and BAM! ... digits. The Heat Ho's and the Dallas Dames seem to go for guys in $100,000 cars and a case load of blow in the trunk. Not my scene.

3. Finally the REAL reason why the Laker Girls are "just a group of very attractive women." The best looking women in LA are either working the casting couch, in studio recording pop records or working the porn scene. I work in the San Fernando Valley and everyone knows someone who knows someone in "the porn biz." It's simple economics, would you rather do Sunday appearances at Ace Hardware in Pomona as a Laker Girl or receive the Ace Hardware in Chatsworth for $10,000 a pop? Nuff said.

Comments

[coach]

the raptors dancers are pretty hot too . not only them but the girls that keep the floor dry . talk 'bout attainable , huh !

[basketbawful]

Dude, if you picked up a Laker girl, that would make one hell of a post. If you picked up Dancing Barry, that would make an even better post.

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[micah]

what if i know dancing barry personally