By Craig Kwasniewski
Hey ladies, tired of all the good guys being married or gay? Trying to look for the sensitive bad guy? Well here's you big chance to make it happen. Step up to the plate and win a date with Zach Randolph!
He's tall, he's rich, he "considers himself a gangstar," he's the starting forward for the Portland Trailblazers who ironically has stated, "I'm a gangstar not a Blazer."
He's Zachary McKenzie Randolph, and ladies, with the right bid he may be yours for one date.
Your date starts off with meeting Mr. Randolph's "Hoop Family" at Exotica International, a fine establishment where you'll spend time consuming the finest libations at Zach's private table.
But that's just the beginning. The winning bidder then follows up with a cash "gift" in the amount of $500 in exchange for lesbian sex with a partner of Zach's choice, most likely someone from his extended "Hoop Family."
After hearing the magic words, "do it again" from Zach Randolph, the winner continues to consume copious amounts of libations with her man. After falling asleep with the eligible bachelor, forcible anal sex will be applied.
If you're lucky, Zach Randolph will serenade you with a birthday song.
Ladies how can you resist... oh sorry, you're not allowed to resist. Oh well, have fun!