By Craig Kwasniewski
Last week I wrote about some early transactions that happened before the Isaiah Thomas Corollary kicked in (Player Movement, Part 1). July 12th passed and now rumors become reality. So here's a look at what has happened in the past week:
Toronto signs Tony Parker: Let the "no not THAT Tony Parker" jokes begin. So Toronto signs the Maccabi Tel Aviv point guard Anthony Parker to a multi-year contract. Is Chad Ford the GM for the Raptors? How many more Euro stars are they going to get? A few years ago Parker was a quality young point guard for Maccabi, but now he's 31-years old! (???) Is Parker going to start dating some Canadian
tramp whore actress preening for the TSN cameras during Raptor games?
Timberwolves sign G Mike James: This move is frickin' brilliant!!! Kevin McHale must have called in sick when this deal went down. James is a straight-up gamer! Dude runs smack and backs it up with a good perimeter game. Suddenly Minnesota looks like a playoff team again, which kills me because they were one more lottery-bound season from trading Garnett to the Lakers.
Lakers Sign Shammond Williams: What does Mitch Kupchak see in a 6'1" point guard that the six previous teams that cut him didn't? Well according to his NBA bio, Shammond "always says a prayer and puts on the 'infamous' headband before a game." Well shit, how can you NOT sign the guy with the "infamous" headband? It's not like 3,453 other players have them, Shammond somehow got the "infamous" one. Once again, fuck you Mitch Kupchak!!! Kobe has two ungodly seasons left in him and you blow his prime years signing on washed up, short and old point guard! Fuck you, my man!
Jazz acquire Derek Fisher from Warriors: This is more of a loss to Golden State than a gain for Utah. They give up a great lockeroom guy in Fisher for Devin Brown and Keith McLeod and forward Andre Owens. Inner turmoil killed Golden State's playoff chances and they trade off one of the few players that was respected by everyone there. Now Barron Davis will be completely out of controll and will likely get Montgomery fired by November. Whatever. Utah gets a player coming off a career season who'll will be a great leader for their Illini backcourt.
Pacers acquire Daniels from Mavs for Croshere: So Dallas now has Dirk Nowitzki, Keith Van Horn (a poor man's Dirk) and Austin Croshere (a poor man's Van Horn). I believe Christian Laettner is available. I know this is some sort of cap move, but when did Cuban get cheap? Daniels is 85% of Josh Howard and since Howard is good for 10-15 missed games for vaginal irritation, Daniels would have been a capable replacement. This is a good move for Indy. This could lead to a Stephen Jackson sell-off.
Mavericks sign Greg Buckner: I'm not a Mavs fans like Brett, but can someone tell me the difference between Greg Buckner and Adrian Griffin? Is Greg Buckner a stage name for Adrian Griffin?
Magic sign Keith Bogans: Orlando gets yet another player who will eat up J.J. Redick in practice.
Spurs sign Jacque Vaughn: Signed as insurance just in case Nick Van Exel's rotting corpse starts to smell.
Chris Wilcox - Still Available: And finally, will someone please trade for this guy? Seattle doesn't want to sign him to a long term contract so they are offering him up for a sign-and-trade. I saw him play for the Clippers and he is a beast. He put up good numbers after he was shipped to Seattle and would be a good athletic power forward that a team like Cleveland would love to have.
Yet I'm here saddled with Mitch Kupchak claiming that the Lakers can contend with the likes of Dallas after acquiring Shammond Williams. Fuck you Mitch!