by Brett Edwards and Craig Kwasniewski
So what does Kobe have to do to win the MVP award? Brett started the topic:
I heard some good discussion on the MVP award on Dan Patrick's show today...he's voting for Nash, but admitted it was a toss-up between him, Kobe, and LBJ. One caller had a great point:
If you're not voting for Kobe based on what he's done this year, then what would Kobe have to do win the MVP?
I was thinking cure cancer, aids, and bird flu while averaging 40/game and taking a worse team than this year's (is that possible?) to the NBA Finals. Reaction
For Kobe to win the MVP he'd have to do a two-year plan.
-Come clean and open up to the public. Let media members hang with him and write reports about it. Play cards with beat writers (Jordan did it).
-Privately donate money and time to charities with news about it accidentally "slipping out" (not like The NBA Cares events that have 5,000 cameras and media members covering Tim Duncan reading a book to retarded children).
-Go back to his old press conferences with "I like the challenge" being said 50 times per.
-Be in the delivery room for Shaq's 12th illegitimate kid. Totally ignore the fact that Shaq has 12 bastard kids and say how great birth is. Eat the placenta.
-Become best friends with Lamar Odom (a lot of guys get along with him). Being friends with NBA guys will show that he's not aloof. Jordan was best buddies with Oakley who was respected in the NBA community. Plus everyone was scared shitless of Oak, automatic cred in the NBA with that one. Odom might not scare you, but you know he's carrying some good weed, which also is auto cred in the NBA.
-Get 30 assists and 25 rebounds in the All-Star game. Why 25 boards? To show that he's not just getting assists to prove he's a nice guy.
-When asked "who is the MVP?" openly campaign for everyone else except himself.
-To prove all the "He's phony last year just because he wanted the MVP" articles wrong, he has to change his image over a two year span.
-Open a movie theatre chain in the hood.
-Get sense of humor. Seriously, the guy looks awkward when he laughs at a joke almost like "I don't get it, but I'll laugh"
-Get his wife to change her "I'm a raging cunt" look. She needs to look more friendly.
Basically, too many people hate Kobe to give him any voted award. Just read every single MVP discussion for LBJ and you could substitute Kobe in there. People just hate the guy.