by Craig Kwasniewski as told to Brett Edwards
"Hey TP, you and Eva need a third?"
As you may be aware by now, one of us is a Lakers season ticket holder. As you may also be aware, both of us hate the Spurs. These two worlds collided last night, as the Spurs came to the Staples Center. Craig was there to soak up the Spurs' aura, and the following rants are from a couple of angry emails I received this morning recapping the experience:
-Laker fans suck! I yelled, "Longoria you suck!!" after a missed jumper by Parker and got the "Who's the crazy guy?" look from everyone around me. Am I the only one in the world annoyed by the Parker-Longoria thing?
-Laker fans suck, Part 2! The Lakers get ourscored by 17 in the third quarter. But to end the quarter, Kobe hits a running 16-footer as the clock expires. And of course...THE PLACE GOES BONKERS!!!! (dahhhh, dahhhh, dahhhhhh....HEY.....da, da, da)
-Odom is a dick: Obviously, he did not show up. But he did knock Longoria on his ass. (And got an undeserved flagrant foul only because Longoria flopped)
-Eva Longoria was shown on the video screen a few times and got just a few boos. (of course I went home and referred to Longoria as a "cum receptacle" when the wife asked about the game..... bad move)
-The fans started a "Duncan sucks" chant when he hurt his vagina in the 4th quarter. But the momentum died as it lasted only 30 seconds.
-Bruce Bowen seriously bitches about everything! The Spurs are up 14 in the 3rd quarter and Bowen gets called for a foul. He goes off on the ref, Pockavich calls timeout to save his player from a T and goes off on the ref.... THEY'RE UP BY 14!!!!
-I'm NOT going to the other Spurs game. So maybe we give that away in a contest. Maybe we ask for the best anti-Spurs email and post it and the winner gets the tickets. (Details on this to follow)
-Kobe went off in the 4th and hit like 4 or 5 threes in a row. The only problem is that the Spurs matched every basket. Still with 2 minutes left, Devean George had a W.I.D.E. O.P.E.N. three point shot with a chance to cut the lead to 7.... obviously he missed.... I scream, "You're a waste!!!!"
-Jackson was outcoached. (God that was hard for me to write) He kept Kobe on the bench for much of the 3rd quarter and had the HazMat team out there (Walton and Vu-ya-shit) for a while. No coincidence that the Lakers got outscored by 17 in the 3rd. Jackson needs to stop the "let them solve their own problems" method of coaching. How many awful 3rd quarters do the Lakers need to show it's not working with this team.
-I had Texas housewife sitting in front of me. BTW - they are the worst human beings out there! Imagine your "go cats" impression (of Ashley Judd) but replace it with "go Spurs." She knows NOTHING about hoops and is going NUTZO with every Spurs basket. I yelled in her ear, "Suck it Frog!!!" With every Parker mishap. I also yelled, "Get your vagina off the floor!!!" When Duncan got poked in the eye. I actually wanted to "accidentally spill" my water on her.... she was VERY annoying. (Maybe because I KNOW she's part of the 25% of the US that thinks that Bush is doing a fine job)
My sentiments exactly.